Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Seattle's clean over belly

I have to say, I have always wondered what people do alone in their hotel rooms when they think no one is looking. For example, I tend to either spin straw into gold, then melt it back down into straw again to create valuable straw, or run impressively scientific experiments using chemicals, elements, atoms, and magic.

For the first time, I got a not-exclusive look into what other, less-tall people do. You see, I went to Seattle last week to conduct some important business, and the hotel I boarded in had a view of at least 150 hotel rooms that I could see directly into. Behold the images.

What were people doing? As it turns out; incredibly sinister activities. I saw one shifty eyed fellow doing something on his computer, while fully dressed! You just know he was plotting three, maybe four devious schemes. Another guy was just laying in his bed watching TV. He was probably dead. A third man was murdering orphan children. I didn't tell anyone because I'm sure he had his reasons.

Pretty dastardly considering we were all in Seattle. What a terribly city. It was so clean that I'm sure they had to fire the entire sanitation department. And a monorail? Who does Seattle think it is? Some kind of awesome future city? If you mix all the best parts of New York and San Francisco, you get Seattle, which is why it's so terrible. Nobody wants good things. Good things are for suckers. If nothing sucks then where does the ambition to be greater come from? Humanities general striving for equality and health? Hell no. I saw what went on in those hotel rooms. Pure evil. And you can too, just stay at the Westin Seattle on a high floor, wait for darkness (which comes around 2pm), and behold the terrible good Seattle brings out in its visitors.

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