Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Elite status demotion

I think at this point it is safe to say that I win at flying. As an avid fan of my blog, you have no choice but to agree. I always find the shortest security line, I always get on the plane first, and I always get upgraded to first class. If flying were a game of tennis, my score would be 45-15, or 62-(-2) or 154-π... nobody understand how tennis matches are scored, it is purposefully confusing so that you don't know who wins until the end... and even then you think its over but they then play again as if nothing ever happened.

How do I keep winning at flying you ask? (don't pretend like you didn't ask, I heard you ask just now through my computer). My elite status is how. For one year I lived life as a Premier 1K flying on United Airlines. The only way to have a higher status on United is to be invited to their special Global Services program which is reserved for the top X percent of spenders. I used the letter X to indicate a mysterious percentage that isn't published by United, and probably can't even be calculated using any of the poor people math we were all taught in school (there is a secret rich people math that is one step above calculus and can only be achieved using specially designed gold-plated calculators).

Sitting so high on my elite status mountain, I've forgotten what its like to be less superior. Which is why the travel gods may have chosen me to suffer for the sins of other 1Ks (i.e. getting upgraded before others, making non-elite members lie down in a line to form a special human carpet for our boarding process, and having our own special telephone number that connects us to Jesus, who actually has the power to make changes to your reservation). Perhaps life is too good as a 1K for someone like me. Which is why I can kiss it goodbye.

This year, I will not fly the 100,000 miles necessary to maintain my status for next year. I will just barely get 75,000 miles. This means a downgrade one elite level to Premier Platinum. What does this mean for me, and via the transitive property society as a whole?

1) I will board second on the airplane, instead of first.
2) I will be considered for an upgrade only after all the 1Ks have been considered for each flight.
3) I will receive a 25% less bonus on earning award miles.
4) United Airlines will kiss my ass even less than it already doesn't
5) Some dumb fifth thing

The upside is that I will be able to qualify for myself the difference between being a 1K and a Premier Platinum, and thusly be able to share that knowledge with you. Like I said, this will be a lesson to me and to all my followers. Perhaps a lesson of humility, or more likely, a lesson of extraordinary irritation and disappointment. Although, that might be the point. At least I'm not a lowly Premier Gold! Yuueeeckkk. Such a poor, trashy folk those third tier elite members are, with their 50% reduction in bonus, third-in-line boarding and upgrade priority, and low class sensibilities.


1 comment:

  1. For a full review of this article, please see http://isithilarioustravel.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/the-ugly-face-of-elitism.html