Tuesday, August 14, 2012

See me naked

When was the last time you saw a full grown naked man? You know what, don't answer that question. Its not even relevant to this post. I'm really not sure why I asked it, even if it was rhetorical.

I should ask you this question instead; do you enjoy having construction workers looking at you through your window at your hotel?

I don't know about you, but I do some pretty amazing, and secret science projects while I am in my hotel room alone, and its pertinent that the information and conclusions I'm drawing don't fall into the wrong hands. "But how can your science be that pertinent and sophisticated if someone could draw conclusions simply by watching you perform the experiments and not actually see any data or statistical analysis?" you might ask. But if you have to ask then then you're probably an actual scientist and you should be in your lab working on science. GET BACK TO WORK YOU LAZY HEATHEN. If you really enjoy voyeurism and nudity that much, then you should probably watch some dirty televisions shows like Annie & Brie, but if you're curious as to why I'm talking about this then read on.

When I arrived at my hotel yesterday, I was informed that there would be construction crews working on the outside of the building from 8am to 6pm, and if I didn't want them to watch me sleeping then I'd better close the curtains. To compensate travelers for this nuisance they are offering 50% off breakfast and free internets.

Now, some of you may or may not know that I have recently switched from Hilton Honors to Starwood Preferred hotels. This was not an easy jump since I had achieved VIP Gold with Hilton Honors many years in a row. I switched for a number of reasons:

1) It took a ridiculous amount of time to accrue enough Hilton Honors points to actually use them for a night at a hotel.
2) The hotels were ok at best, and rarely was I upgraded to a spectacular room.
3) I just didn't feel like they tried very hard to keep me coming to their hotels.

So I switched. I made Starwood Preferred Gold very quickly, and am now enjoying the benefits. The hotels are nicer (in general, but I have stayed at a few Sheratons that were less than savory, or UNSAVORY™.... I actually sued Webster for the trademark to that word, so don't you go thinking to yourself "pfft oh my god thats already a word, so lame, you can't ™ that", well I can and I ULTRADID™) and your points go a lot further than they do at Hilton.

But I digress. What frustrates me often is a hotel's assertion that it can charge you for internet. Internet is like local phone calls, its a utility not a privilege at this point. Charing for it is like charging for... well, I was going to say oxygen but thats a bit extreme considering you'd die if you couldn't afford to buy oxygen and our country would NEVER put someone's health at risk just because they were poor.... so I shall say its like charging for air conditioning.

But I digress... again... and well. The hotel room I got was fancy, despite the fact that the balcony was under construction and there was a risk that a construction worker was going to be walking around on it.

The hotel room was actually several rooms, including a kitchen, walk-in closet, walk-out closet, separate bathroom and living room. It had an excellent view of another building and plenty of sunlight in the morning that was completely negated by the fact that I had to close my blinds for privacy. THE SUN WAS NEGATED. Bet you didn't think that was possible? Well, with Starwood Preferred Hotels, it is. If you're curious, the hotel is the Atlanta Perimeter Hotel and Suites. The directions to the hotel are as follows:

1) Fly to Atlanta
2) Put in the address of the hotel into your GPS
3) Drive for a while and listen to incredibly awesome music
4) Drive by a mall and have your GPS tell you that you've arrived
5) Pull into the parking lot of the mall, looking around confused
6) Drive around a bit more, then finally take out your telephone and locate the hotel on Google Maps
7) Drive in a couple more circles
8) Find a street you think is correct and drive down it, turn left at what you assume to be a road that will eventually lead to the hotel
9) locate hotel and drive in a circle or two until you find the front of the building
10) think of a tenth thing


1 comment:

  1. There is one thing I forgot to mention......