Monday, August 27, 2012


I'm pretty sure your car sucks. Most do I've discovered. One of the nice things about traveling too much is that you usually have to rent cars, and in the process, you get to drive a lot of different types of vehicles. Here is an incredibly incomplete list of lame cars I've rented and driven recently:

1) Ford Taurus
2) Chevy Malibu
3) Chevy SVU thing
4) Chevy Aveo
4) Mitsubishi Eclipse

But nothing beats the lethargy of the car I rented from Hertz most recently. When I arrived at the facility, I found my name on the Gold board and proceeded to the stall which had my car. In that stall was a Chevy Malibu. But that car didn't feel like it befitted a man of my rank, status, size, and punching ability, so I wandered over to the Gold Choice area. This area is a strip of maybe 50 lots with random mid-sized cars in it that you can just pick in lieu of what you rented, for free. Each car in that lot however was either a Chevy Malibu or a Ford Thiscarsucks. I was about to just get into the original car I rented when I noticed a car that was different from the rest. It was a Volkswagen Jetta. I've never driven a Jetta, but I do own a Volkswagen GTI at home which is quite possibly the best car I've ever driven in my life and several other people's lives. Naturally, I assumed that since this car was also a Volkswagen then it would be superior in power and handling to the other vehicles that I could have chosen from.

Holy crap was I ultrawrong™. The car was the slowest, most poorly put together piece of garbagechrist I've ever farted in. Slamming the gas pedal to the floor produced an acceleration curve that was so bad that it was actually negative, meaning the car was so slow it actually just went in reverse. It felt like more than one emergency break was on at all times. I estimated it to have a 2 cylinder engine with a 4 gram displacement producing half of one horse power. I think even incredibly old ladies would become severely frustrated at the lack of power this car had, and they have to contend with broken hips and snotty grand children who have no respect for the home country or french toast made with goat!

But, I do have to admit it got me from point A to point Ω (which is a point only I'm allowed to go to). One of the points in there was the hotel I was staying at.  A new hotel chain, as part of the Starwood group called A-Loft. Its a swanky, modern, and freshly built hotel with all the amenities commonly found in 3 and a half star or a above hotels. Gym, pool, place to buy food and drink, HD television and notstains™.  The rooms have a very modular, modern feeling to them. Instead of providing you separate little bottles of shampoo, conditioner and body wash, they have dispensers mounted to the wall in the shower for you to enjoy. The television comes with a convieniantly-located connection hub to connect external video devices such as your computer or iPad, and the shower door features a lovely gap at the bottom so that water can collect wonderfully on the bathroom floor.

Enjoy the photos below:

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