Friday, February 3, 2012

Cabin Fever

Have you ever gone crazy? I suppose that is a silly question. Most crazy people don't know they're crazy. They think YOU are crazy for not noticing that the government has implanted a bug in your skull from birth that monitors your thoughts using SCIENCE. Never mind the fact that it would be crazy to assume that an institution as disorganized and bureaucratic as the United States government could somehow get its act together enough to develop a way to take electrical potentials across axons and derive patterns that could be recognized as thoughts. THAT would be crazy. Balancing a budget? No way. Inventing impossiblescience™, they do that everyday. Don't you see? The government isn't in your head, I am in your head. I've developed that technology and have implanted in every single human on this planet (and other planets that you don't know about yet) a bug that can decode the energy patterns your brain creates. This information is fed to my single computer monitor in my 8x8 office in Queens where I monitor your thoughts. I don't do anything with your thoughts, I just monitor them... all of them. I can do that. Don't believe me? I can prove it. Here is a picture of a hammer:

Now do you see how? It doesn't make sense to you? How can it not make sense!!? You see the government pays me to monitor your thoughts, with all of its money that it has. Thanks to the Bush administration, the government has a bunch of extra money lying around, and they really want to spend it reading every single person's thoughts. There really isn't a better way to spent that kind of money... well, according to congress anyway.

So who is crazy now? You are if you think there isn't a bug in your head.

Another industry that the government controls is the airline industry. Did you know that they make every pilot who flies a jet across the United States report its flight path to a federal agency? Where is our privacy? Where is our decency as human beings? The free market should decide which flight paths are safe and which aren't. That is really the best way. Get the government out of my sky! We don't need oversight, we can figure it out on our own. Whichever flight paths lead to less crashes will come out ahead, and everyone will be safe. Vote 'no' to the existence of the FAA!

Have you ever gone crazy? People say frequent travelers go crazy when they don't travel. I haven't traveled in two weeks. I'm 100% ok. I made a suit out of tin foil and wear it everywhere all the time, even to bed. My wife really loves it. She displays her affection for my suit by attempting to throw it away every day - how adorable. I love my wife, but I also love my tinfoil suit also (I said 'also' twice because it adds extra significance to my sentence). You know why? It blocks all the brain waves that are siphoned into my office. It protects me from all those harmful thought-rays. It didn't at first, because it didn't have enough miles on it. It took me a few years to get my suit to the highest elite tier. Hopefully I'll get back on an airplane soon. No big deal, I could also go without it. But I'm just saying, I should probably get back on an airplane and go somewhere so that I can continue to share my experiences with you. Right? Yeah. That makes sense. I'm not crazy, YOU'RE crazy.

Below is further proof that flying would be totally safe without the help of air traffic CONTROL. They want to control your lives! Below is a time lapse of 24 hours of flights across the Earth. See how easy it would be to just let the free market take care of this?

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