Tuesday, January 17, 2012

King of the Lounge

A famous hip hop music rapper MC once said "'Mo money 'mo problems". I disagree. I would posit that "additional funds leads to less trouble". I would say that to his face, in a freestyle battle in front of a crowd. That is how confident I am in my thesis statement. Don't believe me? Take the following, extremely true example; Last year I made about 40 trillion dollars in speculating speculations. Previous to that year, I had health problems that required expensive medical care which I couldn't afford. But now that I have $40 trillion, I am able to purchase the entire concept of health and fund research into an instant cure for all that ailed me. Now I will live. More money ($40 trillion) equaled less problems (death from ailments).

I recently decided to purchase a United Club lounge annual pass. Instead of using American currency, I used miles. The cost was high but I do believe it is worth it, because ever since I bought the membership, I have had less problems.

The United Club lounge is officially described as such:

A rest from the day's travels awaits you at these renowned clubs in airports worldwide.
Relax with a drink and a snack. Connect with your office in a quiet atmosphere. Or simply escape the hustle of the airport before your next flight. Discover why our most frequent travelers choose United ClubSM as their oasis.

San Francisco domestic club lobby
Features and privileges
• Comfortable lounges centrally located in our busiest airports
• Personalized travel assistance
• Complimentary Wi-Fi service in all locations
• Complimentary beer
• Complimentary selection of wine and spirits
• Complimentary soft drinks, juices, coffee, tea and cappuccino
• Complimentary breakfast and afternoon snacks
• Power outlets for laptop computers
• Morning newspapers, periodicals and magazines
Conference rooms available in many U.S. locations for a nominal fee
• Club access for guests traveling with club members
• Reciprocal club privileges provide access worldwide to the following lounges:
• All US Airways Club locations• All Star Alliance® member-operated lounges worldwide. United Club members may access Star Alliance member-operated airline lounges with up to one guest when departing on a same-day flight on any Star Alliance carrier.
• Competitive membership prices, with special discounts for Mileage Plus® elite members

Of course, its not AS nice as that, but it is pretty damn nice. The comfortable, quite areas, the bar and free booze, the snacks, and WiFi and the electricity all does essentially one thing; make waiting in an airport so much less of a hassle.  If I have a problem with a flight, I simply walk up to a friendly agent who is always more than willing to help me. No more waiting in line at the gate for an overworked agent to yell at you and tell you your face is stupid and you should have a different face because not all faces are the same. No more sitting next to fat, smelly kids who cough and sneeze all of their inferiority on you while a loud speaker blurts and fizzes non-sensicle announcements that HAVE NO RELEVANCE TO YOU. No more problems. If I want to sleep, I can, as this random manguy™ is demonstrating.

 If I want to work, I can sit at a desk with a lamp and a power plug and work while I watch the airplanes precariously land at LaGuardia.

10 minutes before my flight is to board, I simply exit the lounge, stroll over to the boarding area, get in line (since 1Ks get to board first), and enjoy my dearth or problems.

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