Thursday, January 26, 2012

First class is my thing

Do you have a thing? I supposed that is a pretty vague question, allow me to be ultraspecific™. Do you have a thing for which you are known? For example; Wolverine's thing is stabbing, Gene Roddenberry's thig is Star Trek, A republican presidential candidate's thing is lying, Texas' thing is killing inmates, Jackie Chan's thing is being awesome, The Thing's thing was scaring 1930's people, McKinley's thing was getting shot... I believe you get my point. But just in case you don't, here is a bunch more; Dark energy's thing is expanding the universe, Apple Inc's thing is making a bunch of money, Jesus' thing was being Jewish, Batman's thing is punching, a Delorean's thing is being damn cold, a lamp's thing is being BORING AS HELL, the Universe's thing is being easily understood...

Well, my thing is flying first class. It just is. Ever since I hit 1k, I've flown an amazing two whole times, and guess what, my upgrade percentage is 100%. Aside from the fact that at this rate, I'll be lucky if I make Premiere Silver next year, I think this is a big let down. As a 1k, I was expecting not to get upgraded to first class, but to be upgraded to some kind of ultraclass™ that was in a hidden dimensional rift in the airplane that only we were allowed to see.

On my flight to Denver from LaGuardia, I wasn't actually upgraded until the day of the flight. What the hell! What am I, Premier Platinum? Here's how it went down. I was sitting in the United Club sipping on some sizzurp (it might've been diet coke, I can't remember) looking out at the tarmac while dipping free carrot sticks into free ranch dressing when I decided that I should probably head to the gate as my flight was boarding in 10 minutes. Upon arrival at the gate, I decided to ask the gate agent if I had, by chance, been upgraded. I am not sure what made me ask this question, I suppose it was the ultrasnottyness™ associated with being 1k. Also, LaGuardia, being the dump that it is, has no monitors at the gates to give you information about the upcoming flight, such as upgrades. When I asked the lady, she smiled and said that she had been calling my name for a while now over the PA system to offer me the upgrade. She handed me a new boarding pass with the wonderful "United First" written all over it, and I clinched my butt as hard as I could to prevent myself from actually jumping for joy on the spot. I'm a 1k after all, we don't act like that, we expect upgrades.

I boarded the plane and was absolutely thrilled to see that I had been upgraded to the first row in first class, which is a bulkhead row. If you don't know what that means, just look below.

Less legroom than economy. Excellent!

At least I was served a nice warm meal, and on the flight back I had row 5. For the flight back, I was upgraded many many days before the flight itself. I really like this because it gives you something to look forward to. And, speaking of meal service, there's another little perk to being 1K in first class. When a flight takes off, they usually only have one of two choices of meals avaiable to first class passengers. When one of those choices runs out, the rest of the first class passengers must eat whatever is left. So whoever gets asked what they want first is more likely to have a choice then those who get asked last. What I noticed is that in the past when I was upgraded, I was usually towards the end of the being-asked-what-my-meal-choice-is cycle. But now I'm one of the first, if not the first. The flight attendant comes up to me, addresses me by my last name, and asks me what I would like. Because I am 1k, I get to the top of this meal choice priority list. Interesting, isn't it?


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