Thursday, August 4, 2011

Boston is melting

Whoever designed the street layout in Boston was unbelievably stupid. I don't care if he did it so long ago that he had to account for dinosaur crossings. The layout and design is just plain stupid. In order to get anywhere, you have to travel in the three directions that are not where you are trying to go first. Lets say you wanted to go west to get to that place you want to go. Well, you can't just go west. You have to drive north, then south, then east, then make a left turn into an alley going the wrong direction, then go underground for a mile, reemerge, cross a bridge, take a ferry, park your car, get back in your car, then you can go west.

What.

The.

Hell.

On top of it all? Your GPS won't work because all of the sky scrappers and buildings in Boston are composed of Kryptonite, or some other material that makes the GPS fail miserably at being a GPS. Now normally, that wouldn't be a problem for someone with a good sense of direction, but if you are driving a car, you then run into the problem of all the streets being one-way-only streets, going in the opposite direction of wherever it is you're trying to go.

So after driving in circles for an hour, I finally arrived at the Boston Hilton Financial District. As soon as I pulled my car up to the valet area (the only way you can park your car) some guy rushed out of the hotel telling me I had to move. Before I could respond he yelled "now, buddy!!" and hopped into a cab. He was some guy in a hurry to get somewhere. Guess what I did? I stood perfectly still and let him stew. I slowly got into my car and started to backup out of the way of the cab he was getting into right when another car pulled up and blocked the cab. I was so entertained by the idea of this jerk sitting in the back of the cab fuming over the Tetris we were playing. I only wish he had pushed it a little further with me and I could have had the opportunity to crush a man with my bear hands (for a good cause).

MAN ALIVE this hotel is expensive. Don't stay there unless you have to. They charged $40 a night for parking my crappy car, and about $250 a night to stay in their rooms. Since I am Gold VIP I was upgraded to a nicer room higher up in the tower. So I lugged my unusually large and heavy suitcase (normally I pack very light and compact, but this was a suitcase carying my clothes and my wife's massive quantities of garments for the two week vacation we were about to embark on) all the way up to my hotel room, only to find that my key didn't work. I was pissed because I had to urinate VERY badly. I thought about urinating on the floor, but decided that I'd hold it for just a bit longer. I found the telephone in the hallway and picked it up, getting my irritated business man voice ready, only to find that the damn thing didn't work. So, I took the elevator all the way back down to the lobby, confronted the desk clerk, literally threw my key card onto the desk and told her to get it right this time. She did, and I finally gained access to my overpriced room.

It was nice, no complaints really. It was oddly shaped but had a great view of Boston harbor.

This picture is not the view from my hotel room. I forgot to take a picture of the view from my hotel room. This is a view from my mom's hotel room. She stayed at the Boston Harbor Hotel which was very nice. The food was not great but the accommodations were pleasant and the rooms well equipped. I recommend it. Definitely stay there instead of the Hilton, its closer to the water and is about the same price. Granted, no elite or loyalty program. But you don't care about that, do you?

Enjoy.

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