Monday, February 14, 2011

Was it worth the mileage?

Do you ever go out of the way to do something? For example, I frequently go out of my way to NOT punch slow, irritating, or stupid people in the face... constantly. I'm doing America a great service. Many citizens are saved the pain and frustration of being punched in the face by a 6'6" black belt who possess ultra-strength™, because I go out of my way to not do it. It would be much more convenient for me to do it, but I try to think of the greater good.

An example of the greater good is how many miles I have. Me having more mileage and a higher elite status benefits all. There is a direct proportional link between my elite status and the number of stabbings at airports.

Last week I was to fly to Indianapolis. There are many direct flights from LaGuardia and JFK to this city (take my word for it, it is a real location). However, none of them were Star Alliance flights. All the Star Alliance flights included a stop-over somewhere.

So, I had a choice. Forgo the 1000 EQM and just make life easier on myself, or hoard the miles and go through the pain of a transfer.

Guess which one I chose.

I was to connect through IAD in Washington, D.C. (actually, IAD is very far away from Washington D.C., about one hour and a half by motorized transport... so don't be fooled. If you ever want to fly to the nation's capital, fly to Reagan International Airport).

I got an e-mail the day before my flight. One of my absolute favorite e-mails... here it is:

YES! The first flight I had from LGA to IAD was a very small regional aircraft, so it didn't have a first class. I like that. Makes me less angry somehow. But when I arrived at the airport, I discovered that my flight was delayed.

"That is ok" I gloriously thought. The estimated take-off time would still allow me to catch my First Class connection. But then, my flight was delayed again, past the point of no return. The gate agent called me up to the podium and she said she was going to book me on a direct Delta flight. I actually declined, because I'm a genius, and I love going out of my way for the smallest amount of miles possible. She instead booked me on a late flight out of IAD to Indianapolis. But, I told her that I had a first class ticket on the second flight, and that I'd like to be booked into first class on my new connecting flight. She said "sure, no problem" and I was handed a departure management card that stated as such. I should have asked for a boarding pass instead. You'll see why in a moment.

Once we finally boarded, I could tell why there were delays. While sitting in the airplane which was still parked at the gate, the wind picked up and started rocking the plane side to side, a bit too violently for my taste. I quickly grabbed my cellular telephonic device and phoned up Jesus and asked him to take the wind down a notch. He agreed (he owes me big time) and we finally took off without a problem.

My layover at IAD was an epic 4.5 hours. And an anxious one at that. This is because once I landed, I ventured over to the United services counter to print out my boarding pass. The ladywoman™ behind the counter informed me, after typing on her keyboard, that she could not honor my first class seat. Because I was upgraded for free, without using miles, she couldn't just book me into another first class seat willy nilly. I had to either fork over miles, or be put back on the upgrade list. I opted to just be put on the list. I'm not about to blow a disproportionately large amount of miles just to sit pretty in first class for an hour and 45 minute flight.

So when the monitor at the gate finally started showing information about the upcoming flight, I saw myself on the upgrade list. I was number 1. One of two. There was one open first class seat. And guess what homies... I got it!

I thought it was a little odd that the first class seat next to me was ultra-empty™, and I felt bad that the number 2 on the upgrade list didn't get it. Clearly, he should've. Whatever, he was probably fat and interested in discussing the weather or something... better he bug the lower class riff raff in economy than an important business man such as myself.

Once we landed, I was treated to quite a shock.

I'll tell you more about it in the next post. Stay tuned.

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