Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Colder than a what?

I don't know why I never check the weather. I think that I just assume that if I refuse to acknowledge its existence than it will just go away. It worked with Dick Cheney.

Imagine my delight when I landed in Indianapolis to hear the pilot say that the temperature was about 5 degrees. I had an airport hotel shuttle coming to pick me up, so I figured that I'd just ignore the weather and go about my ultra-business™ (its 3.5 times as important as regular business).

After the 50 minute walk from the terminal to the other end of this giant freaking airport, I had arrived at the meeting point for the shuttle. The only problem was that I was 15 minutes early. I thought I'd just wait outside. I had a t-shirt, and a jacket... a light jacket, and I am assuming I was wearing pants.

Some of you may have never experienced 5 degree weather, but when the temperature is that low, the wind chill tends to put it well below zero. This kind frigidity can kill your skin cells within 30 minutes. So, you know... don't stand outside waiting for a hotel shuttle.

The whole trip was at or below zero. The whole concept of a temperature being below zero is ridiculous. How can it be so cold that there are less than NO units to measure the discomfort with. Zero represents the absence of things. How can there be less than NO things. "But sir", you say in a raspy and stupid voice "a negative number can reflect the reversal of the flow of units, such as owing debt". Shut up idiot. I don't owe the weather temperature units. Its not like my body stops giving off heat and instead starts giving off cold.

Thermodynamics. HA

Last time I ever go to Indiana in the winter... or probably during the other seasons also. (there's not much there).


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