NEW YORK, OCTOBER 22nd -- New "celebrity" chef has been hired by United Airlines to specifically make food that you may not have. The new cuisines will be available on flights that you aren't ever on.
The meal begins with a salad combination of fresh grilled and marinated free-range chicken, sliced paper-thin and topped with a crisp slaw mixture and fresh ginger sesame vinaigrette. The entree features Niman Ranch braised beef short ribs with beef stock reduction accompanying honey-roasted heirloom carrots and celeriac puree. Niman Ranch cattle are raised in the San Francisco Bay Area and largely grass fed.
But you will never have it. It is only available on one flight. You have to be in Business class and flying from SFO to Japan. yeah... Japan. You know that weekly trip in Business class you take from SFO to China? Well, fuck you.
Thanks United. Your food in Business class is delicious, but your selection in Coach is extra NOTGOOD™. I would argue that you aren't going to sell more tickets by pampering regulars who spend many thousands of dollars a week on business class tickets to one specific location from one specific location only. The airline business isn't a trickle down economic model. I have one solutions. Give the food to me, and only me, so that I can enjoy it and tell everyone else how good it is.