Friday, October 1, 2010

Friday Flight Memories: Episode 1

Good Friday kind gentle sirs and sirettes. I have hilariously decided to make Fridays a special posting day. On Fridays, I will attempt to wax poetic of flights past, so far in the past, that they in fact, seem impossible to be true. So strange and wondrous the past will seem to those who didn't fly often in the golden age of flying from the mid 80's to the Bush administration (the more recent one) and subsequent economic meltdown. However odd and improbably my stories seem, rest assured that they are true, and can be proved with the undeniably accurate concept of recalling memories.

BEHOLD

Episode 1: Turbulence



The year was 1988, or possibly 1989, and my brother and I were flying to Hawaii with mom. The flight from San Francisco to Hawaii was about 5 and a half hours. My brother and I were gleefully running up and down the aisles and playing the best possible game ever: "Karate Fight in the galley!". Back then, the flight attendants were called Stewardesses, and they thoroughly enjoyed watching two eloquent martial artists such as my brother and I, have epic battles near the emergency exist. What else were you supposed to do for 5 hours, trapped in a giant metal tube?

Compare that to today, where if you get up out of your seat you are immediately shot... then stabbed, by the flight attendants.

But getting back to the memory... We were having a particularly excellent battle somewhere between Business Class and Economy when the entire world (airplane) starting to shake. At first, I thought I had performed a way-too-powerful maneuver for our current battle location, but later, when I was torn from our fantasy, I realized that we were all going to die. My eyes instantly teared up, which in turn, made my little brother's do the same. The stewardesses weren't doing their job! They were no where to be found! I decided that they must have jumped off of the plane to escape the inevitable doom we all faced. The shaking got worse, yet my brother and I were the only two people who seemed to notice. We ran back to our mom's seat, with tears streaming down our face, attempting to explain the incredibly doomful situation we were in. But she simply laughed at us. How tawdry we children must've been to actually cry in the face of death. But soon, the shaking subsided, and eventually was no more, and we didn't crash. "Its just turbulence" my mom told us. "Nothing to worry about".

"What do you mean nothing to worry about! The whole damn plane was shaking like a republican shaking a kid's piggy bank"! I should've said.

I learned that day that often, when flying, the airplane encounters many doom scenarios, and almost crashes... like... at least 8 times on average. This would just have to be something that I would need to accept. Plus, it was almost the 90's so money would simply just fall out of the cracks in reality every time turbulence hit and everybody would be rich.

The End.

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