Monday, October 18, 2010

Animalia on the plane

I hate bees. HATE THEM. Why? Because they hate humans, especially me. They're ALWAYS trying to kill me. No matter where I go, there is a bee waiting in the corner of some stupid building sharpening its stinger and licking its lips... errr... exo-skeleton lip-type things. SHUTTUP. I am not allergic to bees, I just can't stand the fact that they are literally willing to die just to cause me pain. They're freak'n Kamikaze pilots. I think my fear stems from the two times I was stung as a small child. Once in between my fingers and once on the neck. Both times hurt a lot, and since I was very young, I'm sure I was scarred emotionally for life. So imagine my anger when a bee-assassin (oxymoron) some how got onto a plane that I was on. It flew around coach, trying to find me, and kill me. I couldn't panic, because it was an airplane, and any type of panic that you exude just gets picked up and multiplied by other idiots on the plane. So, in order to keep the plane in the air and not make an emergency landing forcing me to miss my connection, I just closed my eyes and tried to reign in any fear smell I was emanating. Fortunately, the bee couldn't find me, so it probably stung a cucumber and died for nothing. So I was saved, but my fear of small creatures on airplanes is not totally without validation.

Woman Sues American Airlines Over Alleged Lizard in Meal

Seven years ago Monserrate Luna, 49, says she was eating her in-flight meal of chicken and vegetables on an American Airlines flight out of JFK when she unintentionally consumed "a chunk of lizard" that was mixed in with her food. Some people would call that a "bonus," but in January of this year Luna filed a lawsuit against the airline and its food supplier, LSG Sky Chefs. So why are we hearing about this now? ....


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