Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Trains, trains, and automo-trains


TRAINS.

I usually like to focus my travel posts on my experiences with airplanes, hotels, and rental car services. I like to report my experiences with their loyalty programs, and how they affect my trip.

HOWEVER

I have recently been commuting to a network television station in Secaucus, New Jersey from Queens, via a recent invention called the TRAIN, and I'd like to share my experience with you.

First of all, let me explain how a train works, and how it differs from other modes of transportation. You see, traditional methods of traversing the Earth's surface use polluting and unrenewable resources such as petroleum, coal, and fear. Trains, however, run purely off of laughter... specifically children's laughter... good looking children, not ugly children.

What a wondrous contraption a train is. How glorious and forthright, how extrapamenious and ultrasuperbious™! Do you know that it actually takes me less time to get to Secaucus from Queens than it does to the Upper West Side? Granted, the NYC subway system uses what LOOK like trains to run along a network of what LOOK like rail tracks under the city... but what they really are are a physical manifestation of anger held together by a compound comprising of the blood of Boss Tweed, Pedro Espada, and Hiram Monserrate. The New York City subway system is not train-based. LIES.

However, the NJ Transit... excello-mazing™. Things seem to run smoothly, efficiently, and on-time. I can commute to and from the first stop in NJ for $8 United States American currency money. Now only if New Jersey, as a state, was as agreeable as its trains.


Invest in trains, its the future. It is also the past. But for some reason, not the present.


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