Friday, August 20, 2010

The City of Found Angels

So I just booked my flight to head over to Los Angeles on a first minute business trip. Guess how much it was?

Theoretical Reader: $1?

Me: Higher

Theoretical Reader: $0.50?

Me: No... that is a lower number than 1... when I said higher, I did not mean lower

[pregnant pause]

Theoretical Reader: $1?

Me: Goddammit

It was $850. Of course it is, its a flight from JFK to LAX that leaves pretty much RIGHT NOW. I'm flying out two days from today. What perturbed me the most was that for every flight on my designated travel days, this is what the seat selection looked like:





What the L-M-N-O-P! That looks like fun. Why, WHY are there so many assholes flying to LA? You don't want to go to LA! There is NOTHING there for you... trust me... I was there... and I asked a guy.... and he was all "yeah... there is nothing here for you".

So I have a preposition, and a proposition; the preposition is "upon™"... it is mine, I bought it......... the proposition; GET OFF MY PLANE so that I can be upgraded to business class. Actually... business class is already full on both my flights. So I will probably not be upgraded. ULTRA-FANTASGREAT™

Well... after this flight I will be 15,000 miles away from Premier Executive status. If I reach that status, I will be awarded with 1/10th of a percent chance more of being upgraded to business class, but a 10% increase in GARBA-CHANCE™ of being DOWNgraded to IDIOT class.

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