Friday, July 23, 2010

Crowded planes equals crowded brains


Think about it. It is well known that words that rhyme often are related in other secret ways. SECRET I TELL YOU. Actually, I can't tell you.... 'cause its secret.

Don't be like me.

Continental, the fourth-largest U.S. carrier, capped reports this week by its three biggest rivals, including United parent UAL Corp. The industry is taking advantage of a revival in business travel by raising fares and keeping planes full after shrinking available seats during the recession.


YES. Highers fares. EXCELLENT. And they're purposefully keeping planes full? That is so INCREDIBMAZING™. You know that that just means I will be upgraded to first class, NEVER.

Screw you airlines. The business of air travel is not supposed to be about making money, its supposed to be about MAKING ME MORE COMFORTABLE AND ALSO GIVING ME BEER FOR FREE.

Fail.

The carrier will keep a “rigorous capacity discipline” in order to keep more control over fares, Smisek said today on a conference call with analysts. Full-year capacity will be down 12 percent compared to 2007, he said.


I'll show you rigorous capacity discipline. Its just like a business to make things appear sweeter than they really are. United started giving out unlimited, free, domestic upgrades to all elite members. I thought this was good (emphasis on the PAST TENSE CONJUGATION OF 'TO THINK'). But what I didn't realize was that they were going to start giving out unlimited, free, domestic upgrades to all elite members. ULTRA-READ™ it again. Everyone.... EVERYONE.... gets these upgrades. So that means, nobody gets them. Except one guy... and that guy is an asshole. His name is Jarmfinger. Its a Scandinavian or Ohioan name or some stupid crap. PUNCH ON SITE.

Sorry fokls, it looks like United may turn out not to be the airline of choice for elite loyalty. Stay tuned. And enjoy.

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