Tuesday, June 1, 2010


I recently returned from a business trip to Orlando. Yeah.... Orlando. What a place man. I don't like to talk smack about somebody else's city, but I really would be quite happy if I don't ever have to go there again. The crappy thing is however, that I know I will. When I have kids, they're gonna wanna go to Disneyland and Universal Studios... and guess where those two theme "parks" are? Thats right, Los Angeles. But Since Los Angeles is very far away from the Newest York, we'll probably be skipping down to Orlando for the duplicate parks.

Or maybe not.

You see, I couldn't get a United Flight out of any of the NYC airports to Orlando. They don't fly there it seems. Instead, I got a Continental flight. Continental is a Star Alliance partner, but here is why its not worth it to fly anything BUT the airlines you have miles with, even if they are under the same umbrella organization.

Although you do get Elite Qualifying Miles (meaning the miles you fly count towards your elite status), you don't get any perks. Sure, maybe if you're Star Alliance gold you get the priority boarding, but I 'aint Star Alliance gold. My premier status only gets me the lesser status of Star Alliance silver. The order of status is as such:

Star Alliance Idiot
Star Alliance Low
Star Alliance Silver
Star Alliance Silver with traces of gold-like substances
Star Alliance Silver with gold trim
Star Alliance Gold
Star Alliance Explosions
Star Alliance Star-shaped gold bars
and for some reason, the coveted;
Star Alliance Upside down Bicycle

Some of those I made up. Others are real. And, there is a third group comprising of a new invention known as facttruths™.

So I got no upgrades, no priority boarding, no secret security line, no nothing. Just a seat next to an obnoxious 11 year old who kept leaning over my seat to look out MY window. THATS MY WINDOW ASSFACE. I bought it.

I had to punch the kid several times in the neck and armpits to get him to stop.

Continental is going to be United soon, but that shit isn't happening until next year. So in the meantime, avoid flying on continental if you're a United guy. And if you aren't a United guy, then... do.. um... other... stuff.

On the other hand, Continental isn't a bad airline. If you're thinking about joining a loyalty program, look into Continental. Oh wait... never mind.

Remember, if you don't have a special seat, ALWAYS get the window seat in the second to last row. You'll get to board before everyone else who isn't special.

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